


the inevitable heat death of the universe and other ways paradox space is cockblocking me

by Botos



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Agender Character, Bigender Character, Cissexism, Genderfluid Character, Human/Troll Relationship (Homestuck), Intra Community Issues, Other, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Post-Canon, Roleplay, Trans Roxy Lalonde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:21:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Botos/pseuds/Botos
Summary: GG: all my friends are dating trolls except me and it fucking sucks!!!!
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Davepetasprite/Jade Harley, John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Kudos: 10





	the inevitable heat death of the universe and other ways paradox space is cockblocking me

tipsyGnostalgic[TG] opened memo on board losers waiting 2 be invited 2 the pary

TG: aww look at em all over there  
TG: so cuute  
TG: i wanna go over and say hi but  
TG: i think she wants reconnect w the meteor crew first  
UU: Likewise. I do think I only had the briefest of introductions with her before she departed on her quest.  
UU: Although Jade, I thought you at least were acquainted with Terezi? Why aren’t you with this little "gaggle"?  
GG: :( i dont know really. its kind of complicated  
TG: like i said its meteor dudez only  
TG: o whoops i should have waited until jade wuz done typing sry  
UU: Is it though? It looks like John’s over there as well.  
UU: And…does he have his arm around Terezi’s waist?  
GG: :(  
TG: omg he so fucking does!!! are they together?? she just got back how long have they been dating oh my gawd i have 2 knowwww  
AG: B33 < if you’re looking for anfurs, you can always ask your resident heart player!  
TG: deeps!!!! <3 <3 <3  
TG: i didn’t invite you to this chat lol  
AG: B33 < yet here I am :33  
AG: B33 < and to answer your question, yes they are dating. it’s very pitched.  
GG: :( :(  
UU: Karkat seems upset at her, for some reason.  
TG: katboy’s always upset, how can you tell it’s about that?  
UU: Just a feeling u_u  
TG: i thought he was waaaaay over terezi tho. like he and dave have been dating for ages, whats that abt  
AG: B33 < likely he was hoping he could still fill his spaded clawdrant with her  
AG: B33 < holding a black flame fur all these years  
AG: B33 < thinking about the day she would return and they could resume their fated rivalry  
AG: B33 < *davepeta gets excited, kneading the ground with their claws*  
TG: lmao quadrant stuff is wild  
TG: at least kan and rose are being supportive. aww look rose made him blush. so proud of her.  
GG: :( :( :(  
TG: jade!! uv been :( ing nonstop for like ten minutes now! tell us whats wrong  
GG: nothings wrong. i’m happy they’re together  
UU: Ah, so it is the togetherness that bothers you, not necessarily Terezi herself.  
GG: no! it’s not even that. but like  
GG: they’re over there and i’m over here  
TG: so then go over there lol  
GG: i can’t!!!  
TG: why not  
GG: because all my friends are dating trolls except me and it fucking sucks!!!!  
UU: :U  
TG: o wow jade  
TG: im sorry  
TG: ive been in your boat tho, where it feel like all of ur friends are getting tangled up in the big romance net and ur just left all alone  
GG: it’s not just that, it also feels like the troll thing is important.  
GG: a secret club or something  
GG: the four of us were like a unit and then they all started pairing off and now it’s just me :(  
AG: B33 < if you’re looking fur a troll to date, i might be able to fix that ;3  
GG: not now davepeta  
GG: besides you’re not really a troll  
AG: B33 < yes i am  
GG: you’re like half troll  
GG: or actually just a quarter troll because you’re half sprite  
AG: B33 < no i’m not. i am fully, one hundred pawcent troll. it’s a part of me, you can’t just break me off into little pieces and decide which ones you like best  
GG: what? what are you talking about?  
AG: B33 < *davepeta puffs up their fur in an angry way*  
AG: B33 < nothing. whatever.  
  
[AG] ceased responding to memo.  


GG: jeez what was that about?  
TG: i mean u did kinda say that in a rly rude way  
GG: no i didn’t?? that’s true they’re not a troll.  
TG: yeah but the whole troll vs human vs sprite thing is pretty important to them  
TG: like a big facet of their identity  
TG: plus the way you phrased it was  
TG: um  
TG: ok i dont think im reading too much into this because theyre pretty upset but  
TG: it sounded like you were talking about their gender too  
GG: what? i wasn’t, that’s crazy.  
GG: plus you know i’m fluid, why would i start saying transphobic things?  
UU: Pardon me for interrupting, but I’m a bit confused on what "fluid" means in this context.  
UU: Does this relate to Jade’s Space powers? Such as changing the matter state of her body at will?  
TG: normally callie id be all over u when ur being cute and naive about new terminology and stuff but my ability to squee ovr u is kinda down cuz im worried abt deeps  
TG: fluid means genderfluid  
TG: which, jade, i hope you dont think im being condescending or "pulling rank" on u or anything, but being an afab nb person who goes by she/her is a lot different than  
TG: like  
TG: unwillingly having ur two souls unwillingly smooshed together and then having to spend the rest of ur immortal existence figuring out what that means 4 u as a person  
GG: :(  
GG: you’re right i guess. god i feel like such a butthead now.  
GG: i'm going to go talk to them.  
TG: ok jade. good luck!

[GG] ceased responding to memo.  


UU: "an afab nb?"  
TG: :3 ur so fckin cute callie

* * *

gardenGnostic [GG] began trolling awaitingGriffin [AG]

GG: hey davepeta.  
AG: B33 < *davepeta flicks their tail around angrily, not happy the barkbeast has intruded on their burrow*  
GG: :(  
GG: *whitemuzzle the barkbeast slowly approaches the burrow’s mouth, tail between her legs and head hanging low to show she’s sorry*  
AG: B33 < *the griffin narrows their eyes, but notices her descriptive animal body language. they allow her entry.*  
GG: *whitemuzzle pads to where the great griffin sits, laying a respectful distance away with her head on her paws*  
GG: *she wants davepeta to know that she’s sorry, and thinks they’re totally one hundred pawcent troll*  
GG: or wait  
GG: *one hundred pawcent cat in this scenario. and that they’re also 100% crow, and 100% of whatever else they are because that’s they’re all of them!*  
GG: and uh  
GG: *whitemuzzle presses her cold nose against davepeta’s flank in apology*  
AG: B33 < *the griffin purrs*  
AG: B33 < *it leans down and begins and begins to groom the barkbeast’s fur, to show they’re still good friends*  
GG: hehe  
GG: i bet that tickles.  
AG: B33 < defurnately.  
AG: B33 < thanks for messaging jade  
AG: B33 < im glad i'm cat enough for you  
GG: fuck yeah!  
AG: B33 < now am i cat enough to date? ;33  
GG: hmmmm  
GG: maybe we should go see.  
GG: i definitely have a few people i’d like to show a new partner too, and maybe shove in their face how cool their sprite powers are.  
AG: B33 < i've always wanted to be a trophy matesprit.  
AG: B33 < *davepeta shakes out their wings and chirps in encouragement*  
GG: hehe  
GG: okay then! let’s go!!!!


End file.
